Any fan of Star Trek will remember this lady. If you don’t then this is Deanna Troi the counselor on the USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D & E. You are probably wondering what the hell this has to do with a blog about Klinefelter’s Syndrome. Well here is the thing – next week I embark on a new chapter in my life ‘Genetic counseling’ & I’m hoping the counselor will be just like Deanna Troi. Make it happen NHS!!!
I received a letter today from the hospital to say that my first appointment is next week on Thursday morning at Epsom hospital. Epsom not Guildford? Ah balls that means it is not going to be straight-forward to get there! My other issue with the letter is where the clinic is based in the hospital – pediatric unit ; maternity wing! A little bit of sensitivity please NHS. I’m coming to the clinic to seek help with the fact that I am infertile – so why on earth is the clinic based in an area surrounded by children & parents to be. Doesn’t sound right does it? Another thing that has put me off attending is a questionnaire that came with the appointment letter. Upon reading it 75% of the questions are based around starting a family and the rest about me as the patient – there isn’t even an area for comments! You can probably imagine what I would be writing in the comments section. I’m certainly going to bring this up when I get there.
At first when counseling was offered to me I didn’t think it applied to me & I certainly thought that having the support of family and friends would be enough. I was wrong, I can admit that. So I have swallowed my pride a little bit and opted in. The issue is that family and friends can only support you through providing that shoulder to cry on or to be on the other end of the phone and tell you that everything is going to be okay even when they don’t fully understand the circumstances. I have to take this opportunity now to thank family and friends for being supportive and also for being interested in my journey.
Counseling apparently comes into its own here as these people are trained to deal with people like me. They know the journey like the back of their hands and fully understand the circumstances surrounding the diagnosis & treatment. It’s here, in this 1-hour per week session where I lower my shields and let someone with a fresh perspective guide me through it all.
At Christmas I took myself away to reset and find myself again. When I returned I felt great – I was looking forward to a new outlook on life and starting the treatment I had been told so much about. 4 days into the treatment I started to feel change happening. 22 days into the treatment and I still feel great. I wake up at around 06:30am each day and every other day I shave. Something I never thought I would be able to do. I used to shave the 3 or so hairs on my chin that grew every 3-weeks now it’s becoming a routine.
I have so many questions that I need answers to and I’m hoping I can talk openly about these with the counselor as everything is changing on the outside and on the inside. One thing that I have noticed more so in the past week is that my mood is fluctuating. I read a few similar blogs online that mentions during the second batch of treatment (each one lasts for 20 days) this is more apparent. It’s as if I am going through puberty all over again – 17 years late. My emotions are all over the place at the moment & what is not helping me is the fact that for the first time in 12 years I’m not going to be taking part in the Valentine’s Day theme – love no longer lives here anymore.
The fact that love is non-existent in my life at the moment does bother me and is something that I will be bringing up with the counselor. My problem is this; if I was ever to find love again at what point do I tell that lady that I am infertile – at the beginning , in the middle or when? It’s something that plays on my mind constantly. It is also something that inspires me to write down my thoughts and feelings in my poetry.
On the subject of poetry, when I was up around 06.30am on Sunday I decided it would be a good idea to sort out my flat. I came across a box of old VHS tapes. In the box I found a tape featuring this little gem – be prepared to laugh out loud as we rewind back to the 90’s.
Counselor Deanna Troi report to the bridge please!